JBOM in August

   I got a little sidetracked in August from the JBOM selection of the month. I finished “Our Father Abraham Jewish Roots of the Christian Faith” by Marvin R. Wilson. It was a great book on Jewish-Christian history and studying our Hebraic Roots. Which, hopefully I can start to blog on “Our Father Abraham” soon. There was just so much covered in this book that I do not know where to begin.

   I also continued to read through “The Lost A Search for Six of Six Million” by Daniel Mendelsohn. I’m at page 202. I think I might finish it by the end of the year. haha.

   I’ve really enjoyed the book. At this point in the story, Mendelsohn and one of his brothers have made it to Australia to interview some old Bolechow Jews that knew some of his family. He is trying to get more information on who his family was.

   It is interesting how he ties the events, stories, and the occasional Torah studies together. Some of the stories were just horrific but it is also getting into how they lived and stories of their lives.   Like girlhood friends going swimming, dating, personalities, and little things that parents made their kids do.

   I don’t plan on starting the August selection until I finish “The Lost” but eventually I plan on getting to it. I’ve kind of slowed down on my extra Biblical reading the past couple of weeks. I just haven’t had the drive or I guess I just like reading too many different books at one time. I’ve got about 10 books that I’ve started or waiting to be read on my bookshelf. Lol.

   It is my goal to not buy any more books until I finish all of these. Perhaps even read through some older books again that I haven’t read in a while. Then, I may try to save money and utilize the library once again. Something, I have not done really since college. Who would have ever thought that self-control would be an issue in regards to buying books? haha.  

Shalom and grace be with you,

In Messiah Yeshua,

Coley

JBOM July selection of Chaim Potok’s “The Promise” Part II

   Chaim Potok’s book, “The Promise”, conjured up several thoughts as I read the book. I’ve listed a few below.

Selfishness

   One of the biggest things that this book made me think about was how selfish I am. I hate to be inconvenienced. I do not want to be bothered by other people’s problems too much. Not liking confrontation just may be an excuse to stay in my own little world.

   Reuven never seemed to be annoyed to be inconvenienced besides maybe a couple of times with Rav Kalman. He was willing to just sit and listen to Michael or spend time with him. He was willing to talk to his best friend’s fiance, whom he used to date. He was there for his dad. He was there for Abraham and Ruth Gordon. He really seemed to have a love for people, which sadly I do not believe I’ve been too good in this area.

   He lived out 1 Corinthians 12:16 in this book, which states, “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” Which, he even rejoiced when the time came with his father hugging and dancing in the hall, along with dancing with Danny at his wedding. Not to say living out 1 Corinthians 13. Wow, you would think his teacher was the Apostle Paul!

Scholar

   Another thought this book kept me thinking about was being a scholar. It definitely made me want to be a scholar even more. Reuven is a scholar. His best friend, Danny, is a scholar. Reuven’s dad is a scholar. Danny’s dad is a scholar. Michael’s parents are scholars. Rav Kalman, Rav Gershenson, and other scholars were mentioned. This was like a drama of scholars, indeed.

   I thought how cool it would be to have so many friends that are scholars.

Authority of Scripture~Oral Tradition (Mishnah, Talmud)

   The authority of scripture and the oral tradition are hit on in this book. Potok left it open whether Reuven would use his hermeneutic method on the Prophets and Writings. Even though, I liked Reuven’s character more in the story, I would probably have to agree with Rav Kalman on that one. I wouldn’t want to mess with the Torah, Prophets, Writings, and would have to go a step further to include the Apostolic scripture in there. I do not know enough Hebrew or Greek to do any of the methods he speaks of anyway, but it does sound dangerous. Someday, I do hope to learn Hebrew, Greek, and even Latin possibly.

   I’ve never got to the point to holding any of the oral law as authoritative but only informative to me so far. I do think it is helpful to learning the culture, traditions, and settings. A lot to learn, yet.

Being at Peace with Yourself

   Being at peace with myself might have been one of the biggest things I thought about as I read through this book. It is wild that I was pretty solid and have remained solid by the grace of G-D on many central things of my faith in Yeshua for several years. In the past year and a half, this Hebrew Roots/Messianic movement has made me at war within over the so-called ceremonial laws of the Tanach or sign laws.

   Reuven was at war over different hermeneutics, new vs old, and more liberal vs orthodox. In the last couple of years, I can really relate to this. It is amazing how paralyzed you become when you’re not at peace with G-D and with yourself. It is hard to work in ministry or be of any good to the body of Messiah, family, or friends.

   But I feel like my pendulum swing in this area is slowing and I am finding more stability and direction into where I need to go. Which, I believe is trying to connect with more community in a church while still keeping ahold of some of the new Torah laws that have become beautiful to me and continuing to study the Hebrew Roots.  We will see where Adonai leads me:)

Swaying between Doctrines~Continuing to Learn Truth

   This last thought that stuck with me is probably the toughest for me. How do you not sway between Doctrines, as in Ephesians 4:13-15, 1 Timothy, and Titus mention, while still continuing to learn truth. We have so many teachers in the world now, with so many different views and methods. Not to say, an overload of information on the internet. And everyone is a teacher in the Hebrew Roots movement with a wide array of views. When the Protestants broke off from the Catholics, this seems to continue to break into thousands and thousands of pieces.

   How do you define this sound doctrine? All the sides will say the only problem with the other’s side is THE BIBLE! They’re all using the same book but with different hermeneutics or interpretative methods.

   It seems like the only way to stay sound is pick a camp and refuse to study all sides and never admit you’re ever wrong. Would sound doctrine be the oldest, the most material, most popular, or perhaps whatever you like? Does this cut out learning anything new, admitting your wrong on some things, or even worse denying that the Holy Spirit can reveal new things?

   Maybe, it is talking about battling over things that we will just not know until Yeshua comes back.  Maybe we can just call it immaturity but does that mean we’re not mature until we line up with the doctrines of Mormons, Jehovah Witness, Roman Catholics, Baptists, Pentecostals, Two House, One Torah, Divine Invitation, Bi-lateral Ecclesiology, or whatever other camps are out there.

   “As a Driven Leaf” by Milton Steinberg kind of hits on this, also. One character said that sometimes what he thinks is changed depending on whatever the last book is that he read. It seems like the same thing can happen to us today with whatever teacher is the last we listened to or read. “Well they are making a lot of sense.” “They’re making a lot of sense, too.”

   Then, it comes down to the cross-examination and continued studying until you become confident where you stand. But what if you continue to study and find out more information that sways your mind back to the other side like Reuven revealed in his smicha examinations that he had seen a variation in another edition.

   As page 333 reads:

“The Napoli Edition of the Mishnah,” Rav Kalman repeated, staring at me. His entire world of learning was being challenged. All the mental gymnastics to which he would have subjected that passage of Talmud had been turned into smoke by a variant reading found in a fifteenth-century edition of the Mishnah. (“The Promise” by Chaim Potok, page 333)

   Would not most Christians world be turned upside down, if they actually started to study the Greek and see that Mark 7:19 does not include the actual words, “Thus He declared all foods clean,” as taught on page 99 in Hope Egan’s book “Holy Cow! Does GOD care about what we eat?” with D. Thomas Lancaster contributing “Man Alive! There’s More!”

   Or perhaps studying the book of Hebrews in some of the English translations and finding out that the original manuscripts added the word “covenant” in a few places. Or maybe we go on a myth rampage, which I still do not know where some of the sources come from that these teachers get to tie Bible verses together with certain myths, pagan customs, or traditions over thousands of years. So now, we have to grudge through tons of material trembling as we walk out the front door or perhaps with our chest a mile in front of us. So much for sola scriptura. haha.  

   Well, I do not mean to discourage. It is just a struggle that I’ve had as being someone who continues to like to dig, just can’t back away from studying all sides, and as much as I hate it usually having to admit I’m wrong sometimes.

   In the end, I have come to the conclusion that I must seek good teachers of good character first. Teachers balanced, peaceful, loving, honest, and seem to be full of the fruit of the Spirit. It may mean submitting or at least not rocking the boat on things I disagree on sometimes. To strive to continue learning peacefully, patiently, and with perseverance, awaiting the return of Messiah Yeshua. Perhaps 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1-3 are the best criteria to use in their whole context, especially Titus 2.

Shalom and grace be with you,

In Messiah Yeshua,

Coley

JBOM July selection of Chaim Potok’s “The Promise” Part I

“I gambled I would enjoy sailing with you. I didn’t really know you at all until today. I gambled.” “Did you win?” “Yes,” he said. (Chaim Potok “The Promise” page 57)

It took 57 pages before I had my first, “Aha!” moment in this book. All I could think of is, “Where in the world is this going?” A big chunk of this portion covered a trip to the county fair that turned out to be a carnival and a gambling event. But it eventually setup the story and the first thought that I could connect with. Sometimes you have to take a risk or a chance or a gamble. Whatever you want to call it.

There are times in life that you pray, seek godly advise, and take all the precautions that you can but in the end you still have to move on faith. You take a chance or you do nothing like the servant that hid the L-rd’s money in the field. (Luke 19:11-27) In this passage, Yeshua calls the servants who are fruitful faithful.

Sometimes fear paralyses us and causes us not to be faithful. Sometimes, it causes us to miss out on beautiful moments. On the other hand, it could go bad sometimes. But even then, if done for proper motivation of faith in Messiah, it will end well (in an eternal perspective).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not vouching for gambling in general. This passage just made me think about the times that we miss out on opportunities to get more of Yeshua and blessings because we’re afraid to take a chance of faith or trusting in the Holy Spirit to help you, in Yeshua.

Unfortunately, everything in life is not cut and dry. It doesn’t tell you in the Bible who to date, marry, where to work, how to find good roommates, where to live, where to go to church, and several other things. The Bible does give you qualities, character, and wisdom to discern certain things but not exact answers. Sometimes, it just takes prayer, the Holy Spirit’s help, and faith that you’re going in the right direction.

“I’m sorry, abba. I’m angry.” “Yes. I can see that. You will be a lot angrier before this is over. It is when you are angry that you must watch how you talk.” (Potok “The Promise” page 189)

   How true is this? This is very hard for me, still. I do believe that there is a balance in this. Sometimes, I believe we should be angry, instead of being so passive. We swing on a pendulum of  being too passive to being too aggressive. There is righteous anger, which I believe Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry and do not sin” alludes to. There are times that we should stand up for what is right.

   But we should do so with balance, peace, patience, not slandering, gossiping, lying, cheating, stepping on, devouring, and repaying for evil for evil. Ephesians 4 hits on great a few of these things from unity of the body of Messiah, to how we speak, to how we work, and to how we treat one another.

   I thought it was interesting that Reuven’s father still expected his son to treat his enemy with respect. Although, they both still fought for what they thought was right. Reuven with words and in person while his father and Abraham Gordon fought with pen and paper. Well, Rav Kalman fought with both but a little more maliciously.

    Anyway, it is hard to guide the tongue whether on paper or audibly. James 3:2-3, “For we all stumble in many ways, and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body. If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.”

   There is a time to use the tongue, as Ecclesiastes 3:7 says, “a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” But when we must speak, there is a way to speak, as Proverbs 25:11-12, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.”

   Then again, there are times you may be called to speak that no matter the occasion or words it is going to fall on deaf ears or rebellious people, as in Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel. Words are stolen, twisted, and have different meanings. Some wear their hearts on their sleeves while others are stubborn. Each circumstance is different. May the L-RD grant us wisdom and discernment when to speak and how we speak!

Shalom and grace be with you,

In Messiah Yeshua,

Coley

JBOM in June with “As A Driven Leaf” by Milton Steinberg Part 2

   I know that it is July 14th but I just finished reading the JBOM book of the month for June. I really enjoyed it and felt like I learned a lot from it. A couple of times it even gave me chills while I was reading through the last chapters.

   It has made me do a lot of thinking about my own walk in faith, my search for truth, and connection to the body of Messiah Yeshua. Elisha in some way or another seems to have struggled with some aspect of faith, truth, and community in “As a Driven Leaf”.

   I caught myself earlier this week thinking of Ecclesiastes quotes like 8:15, “And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that G-d has given him under the sun.” Why not strive to be content and just live out your days with joy?

   Like Elisha, I find myself isolating myself in study striving to find the truth with certainty. Sometimes, it leads me to more uncertainty though and just makes it harder to speak with people without stepping on toes.

    I have to ask myself why am I studying so much? For truth? For enjoyment? For what? Hopefully, to know G-D better first of all. To walk in a deeper relationship with Yeshua and be like Him. 

  Then,  I start to think like Elisha for mankind but mine is a little different as a follower of Yeshua. To be a pastor? To be a good witness? To be a teacher?

   Well, I don’t feel like it will be a pastor anytime soon. Maybe in 10-15 years, if the L-RD wills. The same for the teacher. The witness is hard because I do not believe most want to hear and in fact most think they already have all the answers without even hardly studying a bit. However, how much do you need to know to be a simple witness of Yeshua though?

   In the Christian world, it is simply do you know Jesus? He died for your sins. If you ask for forgiveness and turn to Him, salvation has found you. You must simply believe that Jesus lived a sinless life, died for your sins, and rose again.

   Only later do you find out that you’re really not a true believer unless you believe in the Trinity, are baptised, believe Jesus was fully G-d and fully man, and sometimes other doctrines to boot like speaking in tongues.

   Then, you move into the Messianic arena to find out that you must keep Torah, usually to the interpretation of whomever you’re speaking to at that moment. Or perhaps that you have to rightly understand the identity of Israel and the Church. Of course, these are usually not presented in a way that they’re required for salvation but are new things to be a witness of.

   Don’t get me wrong, I love to study and think these things are important but from this book it made me think, “Am I so entwined in this search to be right that I’ve been isolated to a tiny box on an island that shakes every couple of months when another truth has been found out. Only to find out later that there are more arguments and sides to this without any certainty sometimes.”

   When there is certainty that puts you at odds with the rest of the community just creating more awkwardness. I feel like I’m writing in the crazy, lost, feeling of Elisha now. haha.

   I do not want to waste my life searching for absolutes without any faith or community that is for sure. I do not want to end up like Elisha, alone and haunted from the past and no hope of the future. I do not want to end up like Simeon ben Azzai either.

   Simeon ben Azzai said that he was angry with Elisha at first for taking his peace away from him but then thanked him for setting him free. Then, he pretty much died from asceticism, starvation.

   My first thought of this part of the story was when my close friends/family started sharing their Hebrew Roots teachings with me. The arguments that came from it and pushed me or pulled me into studying the Law, the Gospel, and the Church. It took me out of my peaceful theology that I believed, which was based on whatever my teachers said was so. It shook the certainty of the way I walked and the leaders I trusted.

   At first, it isolated me from my closest friends. It led to deeper study, even though I tried to avoid the issues. Then when I felt the conviction of pride and being wrong on some things, G-D fortunately brought reconciliation. 

   But then, it brought awkwardness in relationship with the community of believers that I belonged, which still lasts at least in part. It got to where I could not even listen to a sermon without something in the sermon not sitting right with me. On top of that, the leaders nor the body cared to really look into these biblical studies with any real openness. I guess the best way to deny truth is avoid it or just reuse thousands of years of the same arguments to avoid it or justify it. 

   So, you can keep going on in peace, living the way you’re accustomed to. I thought it interesting that Yeshua came battling thousands of years of certain traditions, only for the church to start new traditions that I assume Yeshua will take care of when he comes back again.   Until then, do we look the other way? Where do we draw lines?

   I tell you, my first instinct is to separate but then it gets lonely.:) Plus, I really see no sane end to going it alone nor that it is biblical to not be in community. Besides the rare occasions like Elijah the prophet but then there were 7,000 somewhere who had not bent the knee to Baal. 1 Kings 19:18

   My second instinct is to see if I can find a new community. My third instinct is to start to see ways to compromise. All along my conscience is battling me. After all, I know I’m not perfect. I will probably never agree with anyone 100%. What happens if in 10 years I have another huge paradigm shift? Will my community fade away again?

   Well, I certainly do not want to be like Elisha ben Abuyah and not be ever able to have any community for the need to have perfect freedom of free reason. But then again, this is why we have believers that hide who they really are or what they really believe sometimes. So that they will not be excommunicated or estranged with being the weird guy in the group.

   Unlike Elisha ben Abuyah, I think we must always turn back to Yeshua. If we fail or succeed, we must strive to follow Yeshua. Does faith precede reason in this? I don’t know. I searched the world religions before I came to faith in Yeshua. But then again, I may of thought I was searching for truth then but I think it was hope and fear, as well.

   Do we have to understand it? I think not. I think faith is a gift of G-D. Ephesians 2:8. One day I believed, not of my own doing. I trust in Yeshua to keep me in this faith at the same time keeping my focus on Him.

Hebrews 12:1-2, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Yeshua, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of G-D.”

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear G-D and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For G-D will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.”

Matthew 22:31-32, “And as for the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was said to you by G-D: ‘I am the G-D of Abraham, and the G-D of Isaac, and the G-D of Jacob’? He is not G-D of the dead, but of the living.”

L’Chaim ~ To Life

 

JBOM in June with “As A Driven Leaf” by Milton Steinberg

   The JBOM book for June has been a pleasant read so far. It is a much easier read than what I’ve been reading. Funny how I can read fiction books with a good story quicker and remember the details easier than I can non-fiction books.

   I just so happened to be sitting in jury duty while I was reading about a case that Elisha was judging over. It really never dawned on me how the sages were not only teachers and religious figures but served as judges, also.

   As I sat there reading, I thought how I’ve always loved to study and would love to study full-time.  Perhaps even teach some day or lead a congregation. Judging on the other hand has never been something I’ve desired to do. To have a deciding factor in someone’s fate is not something I care to have, even if it is just a minor incident. I could not imagine having a say in a life sentence, capital punishment, or even more grandeur in the case of G-D, eternal salvation.

   It is interesting how the sages led normal lives in this story. They didn’t make a living for themselves and families leading congregations or being college professors or traveling around teaching. They worked during the day, had businesses, and then studied in the evening.

   Dr. Brad Young said, at a yeshiva/lecture that I attended, that this is perhaps the reason Nicodemus came to Yeshua at night, because he probably worked during the day.  

   I’ve pretty much wanted to go to seminary since I became a believer. I really would like to become a college professor someday. To be able to study the scriptures more, teach, and travel the world. I can not justify going into debt for this type of degree though. It is hard for me to think of the thought of how expensive it is to train leaders of future congregations, missionaries, and ministries. It is hard for me to think that these have just become careers to so many. Just another way to make money, a living, and provide for your family.

   Instead of worrying about where the L-RD is leading you, it is where can I move up the church career ladder to get out of debt and provide for my family. At the worst end of the scale, how can I get more people in the door so that I can add to my wealth to buy larger houses, more expensive cars, and toys. Of course, I know that this is not always the case.

    Even if I become a college professor, I would have to live with the fact that some students are going into debt to have me teach them or students that would be well qualified can not come, if they do not want to go into debt.

    On top of the money issue, if you do want to try to work and go to school, it is not easy. Seminaries are not always that flexible on schedules. Sometimes, the only times biblical language classes are offered are in the day time hours that you would have to work at.

   I love that Elisha was able to find a mentor that he actually apprenticed with. Ha, kind of seems like Star Wars, only its way in the past and students of the Torah and G-D, instead of the future and the force.

   Regardless, they had poor and rich sages. The student helped the teacher work for a living while he learned. Of course there probably were fewer students and teachers, perhaps.

   I grew up taking martial arts. It reminds me of a master of a certain martial art taking on students. The teacher usually doesn’t make a lot of money. The student usually helps the master in daily tasks. The teacher and student are all about the art and the way of life lived by studying this martial art. It is not so much a career, profession, or job. It is a life style, character, a person trying to better oneself daily by studying and teaching an art.

   I don’t know. I know nothing is perfect. Even with the pit falls of school, I hope to find a way to be able to get a Master of Divinity and perhaps a Doctorate some day. I would love to find a mentor that is a man who has walked a long time in the L-RD, is a teacher, and strives to walk out the Word of G-D daily.

    Yet, I do not want to be a judge. haha. I’ll leave that to the L-RD. Well, if He deems it right to ever put me in that role, I will pray and depend on Him for the wisdom to make the right choices. Fortunately, I was not chosen to actually be on the trial jury when I went for jury duty. I was ready to do the best I could do without shirking my responsibility, though.

   I look forward to finishing this book. I’m already on page 134. I’m still reading through “Visions of the Fathers” and  ”The Lost: A Search for Six of Six Million” for previous JBOM books, along with “Our Father Abraham” by Marvin Wilson for a Jewish Roots self paced course. They’ve all given me a lot to chew on.

Grace and shalom be with you,

In Messiah Yeshua,

Coley

JBOM in May with “The Lost: A Search For Six of Six Million” by Daniel Mendelsohn

     The month of May has been a busy month, indeed. My job changed work site locations. I took a vacation to Kansas City, MO for the Israel Mandate Conference. I’ve been sick a couple of days. So, it’s been interesting but mostly time is just flying.

     Unfortunately, I have not gotten too far into the JBOM book for May of “The Lost”. Strangely it makes me start to swell up and fight back the tears awkwardly while in public. So, I might not be able to read this book at public restraunts, coffee shops, or ice cream parlors.

     The first time that I started to swell up, I was at the Sweet Tomato. It is a wonderful place to eat all the salad, soup, and desert you want. Then, you can have coffee to top it off. Really not a hard place at all to spend a couple of hours. They have these nice cozy booths, as well.

     I was doing great. Just getting started reading through this month’s book. At page 9 though, Mendelsohn starts to explain how his grandfather would visit the cemetery to see relatives that have passed away. He told how his grandfather was mindful of the dead.

     All of a sudden images flew into my head of how in February 2009 I was in the cemetery across from my aunt’s house in St. Paul, MN looking for my grandma’s and great aunts grave sites. It was the same trip that I had went through Springfield, MO and Chicago on somewhat of a spiritual journey with a friend.

     We had been visiting friends and relatives along the way, visiting different coffee shops, hole in the wall eating places, reading, and journaling every day. My grandma had just passed away the year before I believe but I was unable to make it to the funeral. My aunt told me that my grandma and great-aunt was buried across the road from her house.

     So, my friend and I must have spent 40 minutes to an hour searching for it. It had snowed and they didn’t have a head stone standing out of the ground. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find it.

     It made me think of a trip I had taken with my dad and uncle out to Hollis, OK just so my dad could visit the cemetery where his grandparents and great uncles and aunts were buried. I had never met them but only heard stories of them. I had started a genealogy search when I was 19 years old. So, I had some of their names written down but never met them.

     So, these thoughts raced through my head and I felt tears building up in my eyes as I read page 9. So, I read a couple of more pages I believe and had to quit before I embarrassed myself in public.

     I’ve slowly been reading through it. Some of it was so detailed about the visits he made around the old people, when Mendelsohn was young. I was at Bahama Buck’s today sitting outside on the patio, drinking a delicious Kokomoko shake when around page 44 tears began to swell up in my eyes again. Fortunately, the people who knew me inside when I had first came had already gone.

     Mendelsohn had started telling how he began to research his family tree a few pages before, which again made me remember of the research I had done almost 13 years ago now. I had gone to the Dallas public library in downtown Dallas to research genealogy information. My cousin had written great aunts. We were piecing together our family tree on my dad’s mom’s side.

     Then, on page 44, I read, ” I listened and thought, The oldest daughter was with the partisaner in the hills and died with them. Onkel Schmil and 1 daughter Fridka the Germans killed in 1944 in Bolechow.” Tears started to swell up in my eyes again in public and I lightly hit the binding of the book against the table.

     Thoughts ran through my head, “My dad was born in 1946.” “He never knew his dad.” “I never knew my granddad or any of that side of the family.” It’s like a whole portion of my history has been lost.

    Supposedly, my grandma had married a man in the Air Force stationed at Oklahoma City, OK but she didn’t like to talk about the family history. My aunts didn’t mind but not my grandma. She was worried that I might find something out that wasn’t good. She didn’t much like that I was researching it.

     My dad had a name on his birth certificate that is supposedly his real father but he never knew for sure. My grandma had moved back to where her parents lived and never saw my real granddad again.

     When my dad was 5 years old, she re-married and moved to Texas. My dad took the last name of his step dad and it got passed down to my brothers and I.  I wrote a letter when I was 19 and was going to send it to the Social Security department but never sent it. I thought about researching the Tinker Air Force base in Oklahoma City but never got around to doing it. So, it is still a mystery.

     So, I read this on page 44 and tears started to swell up. Today, I thought about how many families lost relatives and friends in the holocaust and World War 2. How many people do not know parts to whole branches of their family because of this terrible event? It is sad to think about.

     I look forward to continuing this book but I may have to refrain from reading it in public. May Adonai bring revelation to all those who have lost any remembrance or never known their family heritage. In the grand scheme of things though, I know my identity is in Messiah Yeshua alone. It would still be nice to know that lost branch, though.

Shalom,

Coley

JBOM’s April selection on “Visions of the Fathers”

    April is coming to an end and I only got to page 83 of the JBOM selection for April “Visions of the Fathers” by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.. I really enjoyed what I did read, though. It really makes you think through some things.

   Twerski brings some wonderful insight on life, Torah, and how it is applied. The stories were very interesting. I really enjoyed the book. I plan to continue to read it slowly through out the year, along with whatever else I’m reading. It may take me 6 months to finish it but GOD Willing, I will finish it.

   Several things intrigued me of this book like the proverb on page 54, “He who does not increase [his Torah learning] decreases it”. Twerski compares animals, angels, and humans. The animals being physical only, angels spiritual only, and humans containing both.

   It is interesting that once you stop doing anything that is benefit to you that it begins to decrease. I believe this can be applied to learning Torah, physical fitness, or growing spiritually.

   For example, I have been on a diet/exercise program for about 8 months. By the grace of GOD, I have lost 49 pounds, feel better, and look better. I feel like I have been a better steward of my body, which leads to being a better steward of my time and money. This seems to line up with what Twerski says on page 77, “There is also a far greater reward: that performance of any mitzvah will lead to performance of many more mitzvos.”

   Back to the proverb on page 54, I know that if I just quit working out or setting goals to further my progress in wellness that I would quickly start to decline to being overweight and unhealthy.

   The same goes for reading Torah, praying, or any of the spiritual disciplines. Once we stop studying an item, we begin to forget what we had learned, much less try to apply it to our lives.

   I believe the same thing happens when people retire to doing nothing. Their zeal for life and progress starts to decrease, along with everything else. I don’t know if we are meant to retire to doing nothing. It doesn’t seem like any of the heroes of faith retired. Instead, most of them strived to follow GOD until death.

   Aaron and Moses died on mountains while still on the journey to the Promise Land of Israel. I’ve heard that the apostles died grueling deaths on pursuit of spreading the good news of Yeshua.

   No, I don’t believe that we’re meant to be idle but ever-growing more in Adonai, led by the Spirit, in the name of Yeshua Messiah. A life time of growing more like Messiah Yeshua and how to walk in Adonai’s ways, on into eternity. A life of serving and loving Adonai, along with loving people. What a wonderful gift GOD has given us? To be able to continue enjoying Him and growing to know Him more and more through good times, bad times, boring times, exciting times, busy times, restful times, and all types of times. Halleluyah!!!!!!! Praise GOD everyone!!!!!!!

J-BOM Club on JPS Commentary of the Haggadah Part 3

   By the grace of G-D, I was able to finish the “JPS Commentary of the Haggadah” today. I feel like I’ve taken in a ton of information this week on the Passover, Feast of Unleavened Bread, Haggadah, and now the Meal of Messiah (a fairly new dinner that I read about in FFOZ’s Messiah Journal and website at www.ffoz.org).

   I really enjoyed reading through the Haggadah in the 2nd part of the “JPS Commentary of the Haggadah”. It seems like I probably should have read this part first and then read the first half of the book.

   It contained all kinds of interesting things, beautiful blessings, and Psalms. One of the items that stuck out most to me was the saying on page 108, “The compassionate one, may He send us His prophet Elijah, of blessed memory, and announce good news, salvation, and comfort.” Possibly, this stands out because I just did a short study the other day aksing the question, “Was John the Baptist the Prophet Elijah?”

   One of my friends had asked the question of what the similarities are between the two, which I haven’t really been able to study in detail. But just by this saying it dawned on me that they both were Prophets and they both called people to repent. I’m sure there is more to be dug up.

   I enjoyed the illustrations at the end of the book, as well. It would be cool to get a painting of one or two of these. It would also be interesting to study the history of the Jewish people in some of these places like Amsterdam, Prague, and Hungary.

   Overall, I enjoyed this book and felt like I learned a lot. I admit the first half of the book was frustrating a little, but overall it was pretty interesting. I look forward to diving into “Visions of the Fathers” tonight or tomorrow.

Shalom,

Coley

J-BOM Club on JPS Commentary of the Haggadah Part 2

 The reading is still going slow for this book. I’m around page 55. Even though it is a difficult read for me to stay focused on, I have learned a few things.

    Jewish people take the festivals they celebrate seriously. They break down the festival down into the most minute details. The order of events, what scripture to use, the blessings, the food, the symbolism, the history, the stories, and every thing is taken into consideration.

   The Passover Seder varies a little bit from one group to the next, but they are all wrapped around the main scriptures. They may vary in whether they tell more of the law aspect to the historical story aspect, this Psalm is used or that, the blessing, order of events, and food. It seems to be a time of joy, remembrance, learning, and hope of the things to come.

     Regardless, they all seem to use a good amount of scripture. I believe this book will be even better for me to read after a few years of participating in Passover Seders and learning more about different customs and traditions.

   I plan to go to at least 2 Messianic Passover Seders this year and look forward to them both. By the grace of GOD, I was able to take vacation this week. So, hopefully I will be able to finish the rest of this book by the end of the day on Wednesday and start the new book for April.

J-BOM Club on JPS Commentary of the Haggadah Part 1

     I’ve been slowly reading through the first book, “JPS Commentary on the Haggadah” by Joseph Tabory, selected for the J-BOM club for the month of March 2010. I have to admit that it has been a little frustrating at times, but overall interesting. It seems like I’m reading this backwards because I’ve never read any Haggadahs before.

    There is so much information that is mentioned that I do not really know what  the background of it is or ever even seen or heard it performed at a seder. In fact, I’ve only been to one Passover Seder in my life, which was last year when G-D really started to open my heart up to the Messianic ways.

   I really fought against any Messianic Jewish, Hebrew Roots, Torah Observant, or whatever camp you fall in that practice the Biblical Appointed Feasts and Times, Kosher diets, and whatever other customs or practices that come along with the Old Testament, which I really like to prefer to now as the Tanach.

    The Tanach stands for The Torah (Five Books of Moses), Nevi’im (“Prophets”), and Ketuvim (“Writings”). I like to call the New Testament the Apostolic Scriptures. It seems to bring more unity to the Scriptures by not pitting the New Testament against the Old Testament, but rather continued revelation of one story, history, or plan of G-D.

    Anyway, I fought against this way of thinking or practices out of fear and pride, I believe. Pride that I knew more, studied more, and my teachers knew more, studied more, and were more trustworthy.  I believe I’ve been humbled greatly over the past few years.

    It is mind boggling to me that a person can study a certain subject for years, several hours per day, and have multiple resources.  A pride starts to build up. Only someone who has studied longer than you and in the same type of background that you’ve been brought into can teach you anything now.

    But I found out that a person who does not study at all could possibly know one thing that you do not know. Now, it is true that normally the person who studies more will always know more.  They probably always know more about the subject they study, but there is that one thing that their Grandpa or someone dear in their life told them that they remember that you may not know about the subject that you’ve studied intensley. And I am bewildered, “How did they know that, but I didn’t?” Haha… Crazy!!!

    The other item that kept me from studying more of the Messianic ways is fear. I was fearful of friends/family being led astray, possibly the salvational faith formula that I knew. It was not good enough that my family/friends believed in the Messiah, but that they believed the way that I believed. Well, I guess that was fearful pride. haha.

    Another Fear was that I would not fit in with the church that I belonged. Maybe, I would face confrontation. Would they kick me out? Will I be treated like some weirdo. I wanted to go to seminary and be a Biblical College professor. What if this didn’t line up with the traditional thought of the church? My dreams would be shattered or I would have to live a life of hypocrisy not speaking what I truly believe to be true. I guess a fearful selfishness.

    For some reason, G-D kept gnawing at me to continue to study, though. I tried to run after battling friends and family for probably a year and a half. I thought I was moving on. I started seminary, but could not run. I was stuck with the doctrine of the church as one of my first classes, which seemed to be the centrality of this movement to me at the time. Oh boy!

    First day of class comes for me to only find out that a research paper is required. So, the thoughts and questions still gnawing away at me, I decide to write on The Church, Law, and Grace, another blog may be needed to go more in detail of my findings.

     Regardless, through a period of that school semester, a much needed 2 week trip, and probably a 6 to 7 month period of rest from confrontation on it and just G-D gnawing away at me to study. I called my best friend to go to a Messianic Synagogue for the first time, which led into my first Passover Seder with my brother and two of my closest friends. I believe that first Seder will always be fond in my memories. I still have the pictures hung up in my cubicle at work.

      G-D had brought me more revelation on Who He and His Son Were, IS, and To Come. He brought me more revelation of His people, His plan, and His story. He humbled me and brought me a deeper, more joyful perspective of Him and His Word. He brought reconciliation between a selfish, fearful, prideful young man and family/friends. Praise Adonai!!! Praise HaShem!!! Praise the G-D of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel!!!  

  Have mercy on me, O G-d, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgement. Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.  Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O G-d, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O G-d, O G-d of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O L-rd, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of G-d are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O G-d, you will not despise. Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Psalm 51 (ESV version)

       I know I didn’t talk much about the commentary, but more so the background that got me to the point that I would even be in a Jewish book of the month club. I’m aware I probably didn’t use all the grammar rules either for all you grammar police, please give me grace. Haha. More to come on the commentary and other posts, G-D Willing!!!